This is a compilation of products and techniques in my “flare toolbox”. There are some tools that are pelvic pain specific, however, many of the tools can be used for any condition- mental, emotional and physical.
1.) Engage all five senses:
- Smell: Burn strong incense, light a favorite smelly candle or put on a heavy dose of your favorite scent.
- Hearing: Listen to a soothing meditation or favorite music…. listen to it LOUD and dance, or listen to it softly while taking long, deep breaths. Whatever you go with, indulge your sense of hearing.
- Touch: Give yourself a massage, keep a feather handy and lightly brush your skin- or go all out and have a strong, loud orgasm (some of my favorite advice from my PT- although I know for some, this is not possible… and that is okay). Other ways to stimulate the sense of touch is to use hot or cold therapy. For some, a weighted blanket works nicely.
- Taste: Eat a ripe strawberry or make a cup of tea- something to light your taste buds up and engulf them in delight.
- Sight: Throw on a funny show, scroll through an artist’s Instagram, go outside and get a nice healthy dose of green earth and blue sky. Select a visual that will capture your eyes.
- Lastly- try to think about how amazing it is that your body functions well enough to provide you with these senses that make life vivid and full. The fact that your body just does ALL THIS on its own is Mother Nature’s miracle. Sometimes when we are struggling, gratitude can feel so foreign and almost unwelcome. If you aren’t there yet when it comes to gratitude, it is okay, don’t beat yourself up, you can try to reflect with gratitude next time. If you are able to tap into a sense of gratitude for what your body CAN do, perhaps sit with a journal and jot down what comes to mind. You can even journal a few more things to be grateful for or some recent “wins” to reflect back on the next time you need proof that hope exists.
2.) Pelvic floor trigger point release wand
3.) Slippery Stuff- water-based lubricant- great for sensitive skin. This can be used for internal release work with the therapy wand or for lubrication with a partner. Keep it in the fridge or warm it slightly for an added bonus.
4.) Good Clean Love products – more lubrication…. this brand makes personal lubrication products for moisture (as some women experience dry vaginal tissue, particularly as perimenopause begins). My favorite personal lubricant from this product line is the hyaluronic acid lube. This line also sells silicone and water-based lubricants for intercourse. All products are pH-balanced and super mild for sensitive areas.
5.) Heating pad/ skin safe and flexy gel ice-pack. These hot and cold therapy products are soft and bendy. These products are also skin safe- no need to wrap in a towel…. just apply directly to the skin. What I like about these two methods of caring for a flare- whether physical discomfort or emotional is that they are fast and effective. The idea behind using hot and cold therapy is that the heat and/or cold provides your body a different sensation upon which to focus, rather than the uncomfortable sensation. This provides a quick change of pace… and sometimes that is all you need!
6.) A nice journal and a pretty pen. Remove all distractions. Set a timer for 15 minutes. Write. It doesn’t have to be grammatically correct, spelled correctly or even coherent. This is your tool and whatever ends up on those pages is A-okay.
7.) Netflix/ Hulu/ Prime…. some type of streaming service because sometimes we need to veg-out or laugh.. or even cry.
8.) A running list of things you consider successes. Reflecting on these “wins” can help remind you that things aren’t always so bad. Again- with this one, if you aren’t in a space where you feel any successes, it is okay. I have been there too- for years, in fact. Just tuck this suggestion away and use it once you get some good experiences to draw from under your belt. It will happen, it is only a matter of time. I promise.
9.) Good ol’ Mother Nature. Yep. Science agrees. Getting out into nature, even if it is a walk on a city park, is good for calming the Nervous System. By calming the Nervous System, pain decreases, anxiety, fear and feelings of depression also decrease. So, go for a walk and if you can’t, open a window and go sit with your face in the sun. Feel the breeze and breathe the fresh air.
10.) Take an Epsom salt bath. The Magnesium in the salts are good for calming the body. Take it up a notch and light some candles, put on some soft music or a breath work audio-recording and relax.
11.) Meditation and mindfulness apps such as Insight Timer and Clam. This is not always an instant fix, but it does take you out of your head immediately- which is sometimes a huge help. This is a practice. In time, your Nervous System and Vagas Nerve “tone”. This means a calmer system and often turns down the dial on symptoms. NOTE: I used to get very angry when doctors would tell me to meditate. This felt like a blow-off, like they were throwing up their hands, and sometimes it felt condescending. I resisted this advice for years and years until I was so desperate, I started using Insight Timer to meditate. Nothing improved over night, but I did begin to enjoy the practice. I began noticing benefits and now, one of the first things I do when I sense discomfort creeping in is throw on one of my bookmarked meditations. Discomfort is a big queue that I need to take it down a notch and calm myself.
12.) Curable app. I cannot say enough about this app. It is full of exercises for the mind, lessons and knowledge sharing about science based pain management and meditations aimed to help your brain discover new neural pathways; pathways that help your brain grow out of the cycle of pain that it can get stuck in. There are also groups available if you are a person who needs a little extra support.
13.) A hobby that takes up full concentration- like learning something new. Take an online painting class, play an instrument, dance, needlepoint, work on cars… find something that lights up curiosity and forces you to think and learn about new things. This tool is more of a long-term care tool rather than an acute flare tool. If you are too “in the thick of it” to deal with even thinking about a hobby, don’t worry about it!
14.) Set boundaries. Sometimes you need to tell friends, family, and work “no”. Self-care when you’re in a flare supersedes dinner plans, a coffee date and some deadlines (IF you feel like following through is too much. Just listen to your body. Sometimes seeing a friend or throwing yourself into a project can be a good thing, you be the judge).
15.) Move your body. Gentle yoga, an online hip-hop class, a walk…. jump up and down a few times…. just move that energy around in your body and maybe even sweat it out.
16.) Try not to catastrophize. According to Psychology Today, “catastrophizing is a cognitive distortion that prompts people to jump to the worst possible conclusion, usually with very limited information or objective reason to despair. When a situation is upsetting, but not necessarily catastrophic, they still feel like they are in the midst of a crisis.” This heightens anxiety and sends your Nervous System into fight or flight mode. Fight or flight can make physical sensations worse and emotional tensions rise. In other words, catastrophizing does nothing good. So instead of “I’ll NEVER feel happy again”, try “I am not feeling as happy as I would like YET”; or ‘I’ll NEVER recover”, try “I haven’t felt as good as I would like YET”. If the catastrophic way of thinking takes over, splash cold water on your face or try one of the techniques listed above for distracting yourself or switching up your environment.